custombioniclefandomcom-20200214-history
User talk:MetaKing125
S'up, I'm new! So how you people been! MetaKing125 (talk) 22:15, October 4, 2012 (UTC) Re: Sure, feel free to ask me anything anytime. I'm not on here as often as I used to be, but if you leave me a message I'll try to get back to you as soon as possible. Anyway, just a quick rundown on some things you should look at on the site, if you haven't already: *To learn how to use the wiki interface and make your own articles in case you don't already know, you should probably see the . *It's recommended that all users on this wiki read the policy pages (especially the manual and layout guide, which have tips on writing pages). *For more a detailed list of all the pages that are important to getting started, see the Portal. That's all for now, if you have any more questions on getting started, feel free to ask me or another of the administrator team. VarkanaxTalk 23:57,10/4/2012 Re: Stories Sorry for the late reply, real life's been really hectic as of late. Anyway, yeah, I've done a lot of writing on here. :) Let me congratulate you on the fact you've undertaken to write something on here, new writers are becoming rarer and rarer and it's always great to see someone start a new story. Anyway, I took the time to read over your story, Bionicle Daybreak: Book 1. I'll just do a brief critique of things I think you should consider working on, along with some recommendations. *First, and this is the big thing that jumped out at me upon starting-- formatting. The formatting really, really needs work. Not only do you not seem to have any linebreaks for dialogue, each chapter is one or two giant paragraphs. This makes it really hard to follow and also difficult to read. Try breaking up those really long paragraphs into smaller ones, as well as using paragraph breaks for dialogue; I think it'll read much better than it currently does then. *Your sentence structure and flow of words could use quite a bit of work. Many of your sentences seem to be simple and blunt, and while that's not always a bad thing, your sentences are also very vague. I'll give you an example from your story here: "I was knocked out. I had a dream. I was at a beach." This section could be reworded, but the problem is you've left it so vague I can't really rework it with more plausible sentence structure without completely changing and elaborating on everything stated here. Another example: "There is many robots though. Our first mission is to actually get to the ship. It was a secret to the public. First of all it was secret because we didn’t want anyone thinking that the Order of Mata Nui was desperate hiring some group of mercenaries." Quite a bit of redundant redundancy here: you state it's a secret, then restate it's a secret in the next paragraph. I could drag up quite a few more examples, but these short sentences, combined with the redundancy and vagueness of the wording, make it difficult for me to immerse myself in the story's world. Combine that with the lack of descriptive adjectives and lack of mood or feel and I'm left feeling less invested in the story as a whole. Also, watch out of confusion of tenses...generally, try to have a grasp of grammar. In addition, I recommend working on sentence structure, and unless you're very practiced utilizing a large vocabulary that includes many synonyms and antonyms I recommend use a dictionary or thesaurus to avoid redundant repitition. *The biggest thing I noticed I recommend you improve upon has already been somewhat discussed above, when I talked about sentence structure. The writer's maxim is show, don't tell. That is, rather than stating who your characters are, what their profession is, and what they're currently doing in large information dumps, try to show the reader what's going on. There are numerous ways to do that. For example, rather than state that Dexun is a skilled assassin, have a discussion of her skills come up in conversation, or demonstrate her abilities. Rather than saying Kanhi is a good inventor and a master of technology, have his skills and tech utilized in the story. Right now you seem to predominantly be telling, rather than showing, the reader what's going on, and it extends to characterization as well. I don't think an author should tell someone flat-out what to think of a character except in very rare cases. Demonstrate the character's personality by showing who that character is, rather than writing flat, one-dimensional characters. *Finally, the most important advice: Read a lot. Of everything. Read fantasy, science fiction, nonfiction biographies, realistic fiction...and everything in between. If you're looking for novel series or short stories in particular on the wiki to read, I have several recommendations if you're interested. And don't be discouraged by the constructive criticism I gave you above. Constructive criticism is always more valuable to me than empty praise. Keep reading and practice at writing constantly and I think you'll find your writing will improve dramatically. It definitely helped mine. That turned out longer than I thought it would XD. Anyway, I hope this critique helps you with your story, and feel free to ask me any further questions you may have regarding writing or anything else. 01:29, March 28, 2013 (UTC)